Yesterday morning, I had a ketamine session — and it showed me how safe I actually am. For a long time, I’ve struggled with a sense of safety in all areas of life. Betrayals at different jobs (including this summer) really messed with that. The Charlie Kirk murder shook my sense of safety, too. Even breaking up with my first girlfriend 19 years ago left a mark — that relational trauma kept showing up in other relationships.
And lately, I’ve had to face it again — especially with having to repeat so many classes in recent years.
But now… it’s time to break that pattern.
I’m still damn good at math.
I feel safer trusting my intuition.
I feel safe with my food choices.
I feel safe with my bullshit detectors.
I feel safe on UVU’s campus.
I feel safe doing my homework.
I feel safe in my business and with my business partners.
And now I understand why my integration guides tie gratitude to safety — because safety and gratitude are deeply connected.
It takes me back to this summer, to that ketamine session where I saw myself on a rocket. Everything I left behind became my launchpad. That circle that betrayed me — the one we called “the swirl” (credit to ChatGPT for that term) — isn’t my world anymore. I went from not being “in the circle” to owning the whole sphere.
And there are other “swirls” I’m being protected from now, too.
Ketamine revealed how broken my sense of safety had been for so long. It opened a neuroplastic window that I’m walking through now — one that lets me reframe, integrate, and rebuild from the inside out.
That integration is what’s next.
Ketamine doesn’t just reveal your pain — it shows you the parts of yourself that are ready to be reclaimed. And that’s where the real healing happens.
