How Math Helped My Healing and How Healing Helped Me Understand Math Better

 Last year, I wrote a post about how Math taught me self-compassion.  It is found here,  but I mentioned how we are used to looking at ourselves with (x,y) coordinates and not (u,v) coordinates.  

Bivariate transformations has always been my favorite topic in MathStats.  This is the second time I have taken MathStats and I fell deeper in love with the subject.  Math is just incredible!  I talked a little more about that in my previous blog post.

Since I tried to take the class last year, I started ketamine treatment and it's been a night and day difference!  I always tell the story about how last year I was crying in Dr. Heiny's office after I bombed my second test and eventually failed that class.  Nothing was clicking.  I was struggling in school for years and my body had years of stored grief.  

I had a really beautiful ketamine session last night when I could see my subconscious mind like a waterslide and the water sliding down was just was subconscious mind being washed and cleansed.  It was the best session ever.  It was so different than processing traumatic imageries and painful memories.  It felt so clean.  Definitely one of the happiest sessions I ever had!  

BetterU did an AMAZING job with each of the playlists.  The music is absolutely so beautiful and calming and meditative.  You take their anti-nausea medication, write your intentions and answer their pre-session journal prompts, you take the medications with our eye mask on and doze off for a few hours and you wake up and you journal about the experience and you try to integrate it.  

And that's a shift, kind of like a bivariate transformation.  

Let’s imagine that your emotional state can be described by two variables:

Before ketamine, I was stuck on the quadrant with high emotional pain and low emotional healing.  But ketamine helped me to make the shift.

Where x=5 (high emotional pain) and Y=2 moderate healing.  Now we apply the transformation to find U and V 

Ketamine not only gave me a new emotional landscape, but it helped me to pass my MathStat class and I am on the path of passing two  Actuary exams.  Ketamine helped to regain my passion for Math and Stats and I could not be more grateful for the role ketamine treatment has had at this stage if my life!