What Math Has Taught Me About Transforming Your Heart

     Although, I have loved Math since I was in 7th grade, it wasn't until I got to later High School Math, Trig, Calculus, and Statistics that I started to see just how fascinating Math really is!  

     I will get to in a little bit what really fascinates me about Math.  People say that Math was so easy until they started to add the "x" and it gets more and more complicated.  While I agree every new topic adds a level of complexity, I will argue that the more advanced Math gets, the EASIER life gets in some aspects.  For example, the multiplication sign is saving us time from having to add the same thing multiple times.  The geometric series is there to help us save time adding up things that increase or decrease by an amount.  Counting techniques help us to find unique ways to listing an individual item or groups without having to list them all.  The theta symbol makes it a lot easier to see an angle like the red octagon sign on the road is a stop sign.  

     Let's say you bought a musical instrument and you only learned how to play one note or even a few notes.  You wouldn't say, this is so boring and useless, all this instrument does is play a note and I don't care how that note sounds.  And that's how I look at it whenever people say, "This is so boring/useless/I don't care about what x" and other variations of the same complaint.  

     The very first time I ever watched Jurassic Park I thought, "What a boring movie.  It's just this guy outside explaining to everyone dinosaur eggs".  My little brother said, "That's not even the beginning of the movie!"  And that's how I see whenever people bringing out something similar about "finding x".  One thing I find so beautiful in Math is moving different pieces around, finding how something is expressed in a different way, substitutions, variable transformations, and how you start to see movement.  In our high school math, we are only used to either seeing a line or a specific shape curve.  Well, in Calculus we are introduced to polar coordinates (which allow us to draw flowers and other cool stuff as well), and parametric equations which allow us to draw more unique curves.  We then get into 3D and we use the same parametric equations to see how an object moves over time and we get to see how things interact in space.  Also, in Statistics, we are introduced to the concept of random variables and we get to see how different variables interact with one another, then we analyze two variables working together, and we make transformations out of them to get easier to work with as well as to increase accuracy.  

But in order to get there, we have to learn the basic stuff that get us there.  And there is a lot to learn for us to be able to appreciate it and get to that level.  But once you start putting in the pieces, you start to be the beauty of it all and it becomes a beautiful musical piece.  And it's the same with learning a language as well.  

One of the things that made me fall in love with Mathematical Statistics (MathStat) is the concept of variable substitutions and transformations.

An example of this is when we learned about the U-substitution in Calc 2.

The idea is we take what would be a difficult to solve integral, convert it to a simpler integral, and we can either transform back to the original variables or we can change the integration limits to the variable u and solve for that.  

When you get into 3-D, it's it's even more fascinating.  We use the Jacobian method of transformation to transform the surface into a whole new coordinate system. (U,V)

In Mathstat, we use this not only to make numbers easier to work with but we want to get a clear view of what's going on with that image and the image we get doesn't give us a clear view of what is happening there.  And I find the process of converting from the (X,Y) coordinate system to the (U,V) something so cool!!!!  And in Mathstat,the probability distribution of the (X,Y) world is the same as a different probability distribution of the (U,V) world.  

If you look at the top row, before the bivariate transformation, those circles (we call them level curves in Calc 3) are very crooked.  

And for me, anything of this world is in the (X,Y) coordinate system that we see and take for granted and everything spiritual we can't see is in the (U,V) coordinate system.  And when we beat ourselves up too much, we are not looking at ourselves in the (U,V) coordinate system which is how God sees us.  And what's cool is that there are infinite dimensions!!!!

And I close with one of my favorite quotes from Marianne Williamson often attributed to Nelson Mendela:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

UVU '23 Fall Semester Special Thank You's

     

With a lot going on lately and not sure how to express it properly, I remembered I used to write these after every semester when I attended LDS Business College (now Ensign College).  Sadly, Facebook notes is a thing of the past now so I am writing here instead. 

And the first person that belongs here is my Actuary mentor Dr.  Patrick Ling.  Quoting his words to a recruiter, "When Fernando came to UVU, he was very beaten up and we've been building him back up".  Dr. Ling spent this past summer plus this whole Fall semester helping me with my preparations for my Actuary exams.  He showed me awesome tricks.  He helped me to stay calm.  He helped me to rekindle my love for Math that I thought was gone.  On the day before my exam attempt, he spent 5 hours in his office with me doing problems, showing me tricks, he helped me to read the question.  He's also prepared me to not only get my next Actuarial job but to keep it as well.  Some topics got rusty and he's helped me to un-rust them.  He keeps me in check.  He keeps me accountable.  And I could not be more grateful for him.

Dr. Erik Heiny-  I can't mention him without crying.  He always had such a calming effect on me.  He helped me so much this semester.  He showed me ways I get in my own way sometimes.  He let me learn from my own mistakes.  He made me feel so good about reaching out to him at the beginning of the semester.  He gave me gave me amazing tips that made me a better student.  He kindly and patiently listened to me when I had struggles this semester.  He inspired a lot of calm feelings in me.  And I just love his teaching style.

Dr. Muhammed Islam - He was my professor last semester and helped me a lot this semester too.  When he was my professor and I felt super lost, he would always come to my desk to make sure I was following along and point me to the section of the book we were looking at.  When we had a test in class that was open book, he pointed to me the section of the book the formula sheet was at.  He helped me when I was really struggling with R.  He said I write really well.  And when he helped me in a different class, he said, "you are doing really great!"  Both during the summer and during his office hours, he's always been really generous with his time and helping me to understand topics covered in my different Statistics classes, he shared with me about the research he was doing, and we would just talk Statistics.  He is really caring and just a good-hearted man.

- Dr. Ya Ling- I love her so much!  I don't even know where to begin.  I came to her at the beginning of the semester and expressed my fears over certain topics coming up and she just said, "just come to my office" and I did.  And she made them look so easy even a child could do it.  I also appreciated how flexible she was (her and Dr. Heiny) with me.  She's always been available outside her office hours.  She helped me with a different class as well.

-Dr. Joe Simmons- Another professor from last semester.  He helped me so much when I was his student and he helped me a lot in two classes this semesters.  He also gave me great tips on how to be a better student.  He is so generous with his office time when he's not too busy.  He nearly killed me with laughter many times.  He lights up the room when he walks in.  He connects so well with everyone.  You can hear him from miles away.   

-Dr. Josh Fagan- Also from last semester.  He was not only an amazing professor when he was my professor, I could not thank him enough for the amazing mentor he has been.  When I was clearly struggling, he wrote me the kindest message to not give up.  He's always assured me that whatever is not working out now will work out and encourages me to not stop working hard even when I am not seeing the fruits.  His office not only is a great place of learning but it's been a great refuge from the world as well.  

-Lisa-  Lisa has been an amazing coach and mentor.  I started to see a lot of differences since working with her.  I am so grateful she went through a great deal of training to be able to understand people with ADHD like me.  She was also able to detect a light sensitivity in me and got me screened for Irlen Syndrome  which is leading me to wear these special lenses.  Her sense of humor is so cute and she's made me laugh so much.  And I always look forward to our meetings so much.  

-Saela- From the moment we started to work together, I knew we'd connect really well.  You had the hugest smile from the very beginning.  I feel like a much better student since we started to work together.  I can't thank you enough for those color overlay pages you gave me while I wait on my Irlen lenses.  I loved our Gleason training.  I am so excited to work with you more next semester.

-Abi- I cannot even begin to express my gratitude for how present you have been in my life the last two semesters.  Thank you for being such an amazing study partner and thank you for being an awesome friend.  

It made my day when you randomly texted me just to do homework together.  In the ADHD world, we call that Body Doubling and that made it so much easier to keep up with my work.  And thank you so much for having invited me to the Friendsgiving thing at the Women's Success Center.  I had a blast!

Tac- You came into my life at the right time.  I don't even know how to express my gratitude.  Thank you SO MUCH for having dedicated so much of your free time to helping me in MathStat.  I don't even know how to thank you for your generosity with your time and you helped me understand that class so much and thank you for helping me connect the topic you were helping me with other topics as well as a deeper understanding of the current topic our book didn't do a good job of explaining as well as connections with other Math classes.

-Maren- I am so grateful for the beautiful way Maren always advocates for me.  We met at the beginning of the semester and she's taken such great care of me.  She brings the best out of me and makes me feel like my best self.  I am so grateful for all the work that she does to make me feel supported.  She connected me with Tac, who is an amazing tutor.  She connected me with amazing resources and as a non traditional student, it feels so good to have someone like Maren there.  She's so caring and listens to what is going on in my personal life as well.  She helped me to see a way out, a light at the end of the tunnel, and when I struggled the most she helped me to see I have the intelligence and work ethic to graduate from this university.  She's really helped me to see the progress that I made.  

-Miles-You received me in the Math Lab with so much love.  Thank you so much for being so caring.  Thank you for the amazing staff that you hire.  Thank you for always talking to me and the support you give me.  You make it so hard for us to stop talking and it makes me feel special and cared about. 

-Payton-  One time, I was on the fifth floor of the library struggling with my homework and I had this nagging feeling to go to the Math Lab.  And when I went there, after you were getting your own help, you were so generous with your time and helping me with my stuff.  That and you always have been so kind to be working front desk of the Math lab so thank you Peyton! I felt so special with the help you were giving me and you explained it so well in ways no one else could've.  And I loved having a class with you this semester! 

-This is the broadest one out there but the PGHS reunion and those who organized it......some of the best, if not the best people we met growing up were from Pleasant Grove when we grew up.  I received so much love back then.  And when the reunion was announced, I LOVED that everyone posted their life updates and everyone else jumped in to throw supportive comments.  I LOVED reconnecting with all of you and I am so grateful our friendship withstood the test of time.

-The Smith's crew- Y'all have been incredibly wonderful to me.  I don't even have words but y'all bring the best out of me.  I love working with y'all a lot and y'all just make me into a better person.

-Alissa P.-  The world seriously needs more people like you.  Last year, I was at the lowest point of my life and then the breaks of my car failed.  And you were so sweet to text me to make sure I was ok and you have no idea how much that meant the world to me.  You have always showed up big in my life when I needed it.  When I posted  being at Tushar, you commented about us going together to the best Brazil game.  I can't wait until we finally meet in person but you have been way too amazing for me.  You have always been there when I needed it and I am so humbled to have you in my life!

-Rilee- You have always been so wonderful to me when I was at Byte and one of my funniest most genuine friends.  I was working through a lot of difficult things during that time, and I left feeling the lowest of the lowest of the earth   And you very calmly helped me to work though that.  Thank you for having seen the best in me when I was at my worst.  Thank you for the times you reached out to me and thank you for being so empathetic while talking to me through things.

-Tania- You also have been so incredible to me.  You have such a calming effect on me.  I miss your sweet voice.  I love how you are so gracious, you forgive people easily, and you are always there for others.  I miss Solo! lol But thank you for introducing me to some of your closest friends/family.  Speaking of which.....

-Jose-  So sorry we keep missing each other but thank you for being one of the kindest friends I have and for always checking on me and making it easy to hang out.  We will hang out soon and I just wanted to say how much I love you!

-Anthony- You are the kindest man I know and you were so supportive when I was in a major slump.  Thank you so much for being a wonderful example to me and thank you so much for having been there in my best and worst days!

-Scarlett- Thank you so much for all of your loving and supportive comments on my posts when I share either something I am overcoming or overcame.  You have been incredibly compassionate and I really don't know how to thank you for it.  Thank you so much for you sweet presence in my life!  

-Pete- Thank you for always sharing jokes and funny memes with me while at the same time being such an awesome and caring friend.  You have the most caring heart out of anyone.  

-Jake Johnson-Thank you for having been such a consistent presence in my life these last 10 years.  Thank you for randomly sending me jokes for picking up my calls and being so generous with your time.  Thank you for having stuck with me during my best and worst moments and for having seen things in me I didn't see myself.  

-Dave Brooksby-  You influenced me so much when I was at the now Ensign College (it will always be LDS Business College to me).  But you have always brought the best out of me and you always saw the best in me and you always made me feel like the best alumni.  I love how compassionate you are and thank you for always sending me jokes and laughing at the lame ones I send.  Isn't it against the Honor Code? 😂😂😂

-Suzie- Suzie came in as a customer at Smith's and brightens my day when she comes in and she's been so supportive of me since we met.  Thank you for all your supportive comments always!  

-Chubbz-Thank you for being an amazing and loyal friend all of these years.  Thank you for all the times you had me in your home, made me dinner, for all the times you reached out to me.  Thank you for the amazing 40 minute call a few weeks ago.  Thank you for being super kind while also being super goofy.  Thank you for being in my life all of these years.  

-Rob- It was so good to catch up with you at Aubergine.  I loved meeting your little family.  You continue to be the amazing man I met 12 years ago.  Thank you for your wonderful influence all of these years.  Thank you for the amazing man that you are!  

-Matt Fellows-Matt was the best tutor I ever had when I was at LDSBC.  He saw me struggle in school and he saw me struggle in life and  he has never stopped being so gracious and compassionate and caring.  He handled me with a lot of love and he is always so positive and empowers you.  It's been 12 years and I still feel the strong impact Matt Fellows had and has on me. 

-Vern-  Thank you so much for taking such great care of my mom and us.  Thank you for taking me to Matchbox 20.  Thank you so much for helping me with car advice.  Thank you for always making sure I am ok.  Thank you for being so good to me in your home and thank you for all the love you and your kids always give me.  Thank you for all the amazing Thanksgivings and Christmases.  I love you! 

-Danielle-

My dear cousin/sister.  I don't think I cried so much at the loss of someone like I did with you and I thought about you every single day these last 19 months.  I noticed major shifts coming to my life since you left this earth.  I miss you a lot!  Thank you for taking such good care of me from the other side.  Both when you were on this earth but there, thank you for making sure I don't feel forgotten, left out, and thank you for showing up in ways I can't see.  I love you so much and I miss you so much!  Thank you so much for being such a special guardian angel!  

-Bishop Erwin- Thank you for having received me in your ward with so much love even when I was just visiting.  Thank you for having taken the time to listen to my story with so much love, empathy, and compassion, and for how good you made me feel.  Thank you for all the work that you do and thank you for being so uplifting!  And thank you for having such a loving personality and all of your remarks.  

-Tia Ana- 

Thank you for having put up with my long texts/emails and my stories and my ramblings about Math.  Thank you for always making me feel so smart even though I don't always feel like it.  Thank you for being so gracious and forgiving when I spent years isolating.  Thank you for your beautiful and loving presence during my healing journey. Love you!!! 

-Mom- Thank you for being my kindred spirit.  Thank you for being my number one fan.  Thank you for teaching me how to treat others, animals, for making others feel like their best selves.  Thank you for the pep talks and thank you for your reminders and thank you for not letting me be too hard on myself.  Thank you so much for all your love and support when I was at my worst.  Thank you for all our mother-son times.  Thank you for the moral support you gave me at school.  Thank you for enduring our hardest times together.  Thank you for always picking up calls.  Thank you so much for being my biggest cheerleader in my hardest days.  Thank you so much for all the sacrifices you made.  Thank you so much for all the yummy meals.  Thank you for always being by myself when no one would.  Thank you so much for making me feel smart and remind me how far I came when I felt stuck.  

My mom is a people magnet. She has a way of making people fall in love with her within seconds.  I never met anyone more compassionate than my mom.  She's the type of person who will buy a bottle of cold water for the mechanic working on her can.  I've seen her buy groceries for the missionaries.  She knows how to make others feel special.  She's always treated my friends like her own children.  She's always rescued and adopted new pets.   I learned a lot about loving animals from her.  She's very fun and upbeat. My mom has been an incredible support to me who has helped me to see the end goal, to visualize me graduating already, and finding a better job.  She's had me visualize myself as an Actuary now and having a better quality of life.  Thank you so much for pushing me through this, for showing what I have overcome already, and what I am overcoming now.  She's shown me how much I learned.  Thank you for being my biggest motivation!  Love you mom! ❤️

Funny Italian Slangs/Expressions

- Dare una Pizza- to give a pizza 

In Italian, Vado ti dare una pizza means I'm going to slap you! 

-Sfigato- Unlucky


-A Tutta birra (birra=beer) - as fast as possible.   Vado a tutta birra da te= I got to your house as fast as possible



- Mangiar la minestra o saltar questra finestra (ou coma essa sopa ou pule da janela) Take it or leave it


-Limonare- (limone, lemon -to make out. voglio limonare con te. I want to make out with you



-In bocca al lupo- na boca do lobo......Good Luck



-Boh!- I don't know. Qualcosa, vuoi mangiare? Boh! (what do you want to eat? Boh!)


- Che Schifo- when something is disgusting like a 70 year old hitting on a 16 year old girl.

- Mi fa cagare- (makes me poo), when something is awful, like the food in that restaurant.

- Che figata!-  How cool!!!

- Che palle- (what balls), when something is a pain in the a$$

-Figurati- "it's nothing", don't worry about it

-Dai- "come on!" "stop it!"

Going Processed-Free

Today there were two really touching things that made me so happy......and one yesterday too! :)  

1) We had a pot luck at work today.  And because my coworkers know about my lifestyle change, they brought in a veggie tray just so I didn't feel left out of the potluck.  I seriously have the best coworkers ever!!!  2)  Out of nowhere, I got a random message from a good ole friend of mine just to check on me.  It made my whole day!  3)  the day before, I was talking to a supervisor at work who told me she heard I write really good blog posts and it made me incredibly glad to hear my last post made a difference to someone's life.  

I have been having the hardest time finding a topic to write about.  My friend Shay always writes the best blogs ever!  Sometimes I even feel inadequate when I read the things she writes.  She's always writes the most meaningful insights, deep thoughts, positive words, and her blogs, always make me want to e a better person.  Someone at work suggest I blog about my weight loss, or things I learned at where I work, little things like that.  

I am really striving to be like this Fernando https://www.facebook.com/notes/fernando-bredariol-gaertner/ldsbc-summer-12special-thank-yous/10151089014634767 ..................with the ability to think really deep thoughts like this one .................https://www.facebook.com/notes/fernando-bredariol-gaertner/what-math-has-taught-me-about-relationshipsand-myself/10150378544434767    Of course, I'm a way different Fernando than that.  but I still want to be able to be thankful for the tiniest little things and express them, and also apply to life things I learn intellectually.  

I had a major relapse today and I had a big piece of cheesecake.  It was my stupid fault.  I had a couple of relapses which is why I stopped at a 42 lbs. loss and I haven't lost further weight since. 

It might seem like an innocent thing to just justify it and say, "it's just a piece, no big deal".   That piece is still unhealthy and slows down the process or the good work I have done so far.  Your stomach doesn't even recognize it as food.  All I ate was a piece and I already feel sick from it.  Maybe this is great news because my attitudes towards food completely changed.  This whole episode made me completely hate white sugar even more and processed foods in general.  I am still coming on top from this relapse.  My stomach hurts from just a piece.  This will not happen again.  This is poison, especially in my body.  

I am extremely confident moving forward with my processed-free pursuits.  Some good news is that I'm in my best running shape I have been in  long time.  I have been at an incredibly amazing company for 20 months now.  I'm getting ready to run a 5K this August.  Back in 2012, I conquered my biggest challenge at the time which was to finish a college degree and this is very doable now!  

It's very important to me to go processed-free.  My grandma died of a stroke and five months later, my dad died of a heart attack.  Recently, my uncle had multiple strokes and is in a wheelchair.  I just don't wanna be next.  And by going processed-free, I will feel better, I will know exactly what's going in my body, live longer, feel better, fit better in rides at Universal Studios in Orlando, I will be on the same path as my grandpa and my two brothers as well, and I will feel better about other areas of life too.  

Here's to a new processed-free beginning!!!