The Final Wall

Last week, I had two of the most meaningful ketamine sessions I ever had. I wrote about them in my last post.

But a couple of days before I had my integration session with Better U, I had a major purge. I took back my power from what the Swirl did to me this summer. The Swirl chapter has been closed for some time now. And then last night, I wrote a document of everything that does align with me and everything I value.  

Then I had my integration session today, and this is what I was able to capture. It was a lot of information. But it came back down to safety, since we talked a lot about that after the Charlie Kirk shooting.  

"This comes back to religious trauma. I had to abide by a lot of rules to feel safe.  

If I am no longer performing and following rules for safely, what living for me look like?

If I had complete certainty in my safety, what would my life look like?  

Your brain may then have a hard time flowing through that exploration, what is the point of my thinking like that? I had walked through moments like that, did you not make it through anyway? If I right now am proof that I can survive worst case scenarios is that not proof that every was and will be ok anyway?

What is stopping us from being the most actualized version of ourselves?

That is the final wall I am about to break down. And once I get clarity about that, I can get clarity about who I am hiding, that is not a block.....is it just fear? lack of trust in myself or around the world?"

My guide told me to sit on this for a bit. I have a lot to reflect on. No ketamine sessions for the next week. But I cried knowing that the final wall is now breaking!