Since I started this treatment, I’ve been rotating through five playlists from Better U: Heal, Grow, Love, Transcend, and Divine. Today I chose the Love playlist — I actually switched the order because I love the Transcend playlist so much. But ketamine had other plans: it showed me some tough love instead.
The session started so gentle. It reminded me of this pair of sisters who come into my store all the time — they’re incredibly sweet to me. Their whole world lights up when they see me. One time, I sat with one of them outside, and she just wrapped her arms around me while we talked. I know that in Latin culture, people are naturally affectionate, so I didn’t read more into it than it was — but still, it feels so fucking good to have someone’s day light up just because I exist. No proving myself. No performance. Just warmth.
Then, out of nowhere, the medicine took me to a different setting — a memory outside of work where I used to carry so much magnetic energy. Back then, people lit up when they saw me too. But the tough love hit: I ended up choking those connections to death. That was on me.
I know there are a couple people I’ve had recent fallouts with who’d secretly celebrate reading that line — like it vindicates them. But let me be clear: this blog isn’t about feeding anyone’s ego. It’s about integrating my ketamine experiences — and maybe saving a few lives by telling the truth about what it shows me.
This session showed me so much of my own emotional mismanagement. How I overextended. Overgave. Overexplained. How I poured out empathy to people who hadn’t earned it. How I handed out my heart, my words, my trust — things that should be sacred — to people who didn’t have the capacity or the respect to hold them.
It showed me how I sacrificed my boundaries on the altar of ‘being the nice guy.’ How every ‘nice guy’ tendency — the people-pleasing, the simping, the need to prove I’m good enough — kept me stuck in the same cycle. I’d give too much too soon, let them cross lines I should have defended, then blame them for taking advantage. But I see now: I set the table for it. That’s on me.
Tough love. But true love. Because the medicine doesn’t shame — it just puts a mirror in your face you can’t look away from.
So what now?
Now I let this gut punch do its job. I don’t rush back into another session just to numb the sting — I sit with it. I see it in my real life. I catch myself before I send the midnight paragraphs to people who haven’t earned my words. I slow down when I feel that urge to overgive, to prove I’m ‘good enough.’ I remember that real connection isn’t something I can force or smother — it’s something that flows when there’s safety on both sides.
I’m learning that my words, my time, my heart — they’re worth something. Not everyone gets access. Not everyone gets the whole story. Some things stay with me. Some doors stay closed.
And maybe that’s the real gift: this session hurt like hell, but it reminded me I have power I keep giving away. Not anymore. I’m here to love. I’m here to grow. But I’m not here to bleed myself dry to keep someone else warm.
That’s my integration. And I’m proud of it.
If you’ve been thinking about trying ketamine treatment for your own healing, I can’t promise you it’ll be easy — but I can promise you it’ll show you what you’re ready to see.
I do my treatments with Better U, and they’ve been a safe place for me to face this shit head-on.
If you’re ready, you can check them out at betterucare.com and use my promo code NANDO84 to get started.
Stay brave out there. 🫀
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